Humanity
by Angellufy
Summary: Why would Angel feel pain as if his soul was leaving him after his intercourse with Darla if he was not loosing it truly? - Something happens after Angel and Darla had sex. And it is not what she wanted!


**Humanity**

- B/A, happy ending.

- Something happens after Angel and Darla had sex. And it is not what she wanted!

- Joyce won't die.

- Sorry for the English. I'm not native.

I had the idea to write this while I was watching Reprise/Epiphany. Why would Angel feel pain as if his soul was leaving him after his intercourse with Darla if he was not loosing it truly?????????????

**Chapter 1**

It was dark… inside and outside... he didn't know for sure. He couldn't feel a thing. Right now, he thought the damn soul was a plague and he had to get rid of it. He didn't care.

He wanted her destroyed… again.

The pushing bag was a lot of relieve. Even in the dark of the room, he could still see it.

There were advantages into being a vampire.

**Chapter 2**

"_She and Angel were talking about their marriage in a beautiful flowered garden. Suddenly he vamped and attacked her, while Darla bit his neck__. Looking through his shoulder she saw Angel, her Angel, smiling at her"._

Buffy knew something was wrong when she woke up after the dream. She picked up the phone and called the Hyperion, but got no answer. Ok… it was four in the morning. Even Angel could be sleeping, and she knew he didn't have a phone down there, or maybe he was outside saving souls.

Saving souls. She didn't think it was true. Their link, which suddenly was weak, was telling her he wasn't ok. Something was wrong.

So, she waited passing around her room. When the time came she went to school, but couldn't concentrate on anything. Around ten, then at noon, she called the Hyperion, but still no answer. Something was definitively wrong.

- Buffy. Why are you so restless?

Buffy knew that Angel and their love became sort of a no talk zone with her friends, but she had to get it out.

- Will, it is Angel.

Buffy was surprised that Will didn't showed any displeasure to talk about him.

- I had a dream. We were talking… talking… about our marriage. Suddenly he vamped out and bit me… Darla… she was there too. She bit him. Will… Angel was far in the garden looking at us... and he smiled to me. It was weird and freaking…

- Oh, Buffy. You think something is wrong with him? That he lost his soul? You know he can't. He is and will forever be in love with you. You are his source of everything… or you forgot why Angelus hated you so much. You thing he can go around as if happiness, true one, is laying in every corner?

- Thanks Will.

- No. I'm not telling you this because I think you need comfort. It is the truth. I know that last year I was a bitch throwing you into the "get over Angel party". What did you got? Parker, than son of… Riley. I know he tried, but there was no comparison. Your heart was bound to Angel and it will forever be. He loved you. He was your first and he didn't go away… I know… well he did sort of with the whole Angelus scenario… but he would be there for you… if things could be different. He is married to you. He fed of you.

Buffy was listening to Willow while her eyes were full of tears. He wanted to hug her friend. She almost did, but her brain picked up something Willow said.

- What? What? What did you say? Angel and I, we are married?

- Yes. Oh, God! You didn't know? He didn't tell you? Buffy, the ring he gave you. It was a wedding band in his time. You and he were married when he took you. Buffy, Angel and noble can be forever written in the same sentence. Do you think he would have you without being married to you?

- I… he never told me anything about it. Will… I.

- I think it is time for you to go to talk to him.

- Will, I can't go into in his door. What if he found out someone else? Maybe that is the meaning of the dream.

- You really think that whoever controls the dreamland would send you a dream to warn you that Angel found someone else? Go talk to him.

Buffy tried to get herself out of it.

- But…

- No, buts, Buffy. Just go. You see. Resolve face.

- Thanks Will.

**Chapter 3**

She was there. He could sense her. Her smell. Her wanting. Her arousal.

She was a temptation, not because he loved her. He never did… not as a demon, neither as a souled creature. That was only for his Sunnydale goddess. A woman he could not have.

The temptation to be what he once was there. He wanted it. It was so dark where he was already. Nobody would mind if he crossed the line. His demon was roaring for him to do it. To release him. Maybe he would… with her. She sired him after all.

Maybe Holland was really right. Maybe evil is everyone, everywhere. There is no place to rid from it. Maybe good just doesn't exist.

He didn't mind his soul up to now. Thanks to it, he had the best moment of his life, the love of Buffy, but thanks to it he had also the worst. Leaving her was the worst thing that his soul had to see, had to do, even worse than leave Holland for Darla and Dru to feed.

It became overwhelming for him after the day that wasn't. He thought he could carry on as the only one to remember it, but not anymore. He wanted the light, but everything he got was the dark, the dark that his demon loved so much.

He was feeling her, his body was betraying him, making him feel the old tickling only she made him feel, although she was hundreds of miles away from him.

Was it time for his redemption? Go back to be a demon and honor his heritage, his vampiric bounds, ways and means. He was not sure.

He wanted the pain gone.

- Angel.

**Chapter 4**

Buffy. His Buffy was here. It couldn't be. Now he knew he crossed the line. He was crazy.

- Angel. I know you are here? You know you can't hide. I can feel you.

The basement was completely dark. That is him now?

- What do you want Buffy?

His voice. His voice was so harsh. So empty.

- I came to talk to you. Something is wrong, isn't?

- No. Nothing is wrong. Why would you think that?

He wanted her gone. He had something to do. He didn't want a conscience right now.

- I called, but nobody answered. I know about your hours, but Cordy, Gunn or Wesley were always here during the day. Couldn't talk to any of them.

- That is because they didn't work here anymore.

- What happened?

- I fired them.

- Why? Did they do anything against you?

Angel gave a small laugh… full of nothing, full of scorn for his friends.

- No. You see. Darla is back.

Buffy sucked in her breath. Her dream.

- How… how is this possible? You… you… killed her.

- You see. There is this demonic firm who want me out of the game because I'm damaging their business… that means destroying their clients. So they cooked up this torment for me… they brought her back, to drive me crazy and it worked.

- Leave its plan get to you is your choice. Not them. If you don't leave it, it can go away. Fight it. Let me help you.

He laughed again.

- You don't understand, Buff. I don't want to fight it anymore. I want out. Holland said there is no away to fight evil, it is everywhere. He was right. I gain much more being a demon, that having a soul and losing things I want the most.

She shuddered when she heard him call her Buff, the name the demon used. Did she hear him right? He was going to try to lose his soul.

- Angel. Please. I don't know who this Holland is… although I'll pummel him to death when I find him… You can't let yourself fade into nothing again. Please. Remember, once you told me the important thing was to keep fighting. Remember. You learned that from me. You said there are things worth fighting for. Please, be strong.

If she had to, she would beat him to death and keep him in a handcuff and caged. She would not leave him do anything stupid.

Angel was tired of her speech. It was reaching him. He didn't want it. He wanted the pain to end, not be lessened while she was here. She wouldn't stay. She couldn't stay. She had to go away. He struck.

- I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE…

Angel came out of nowhere and held Buffy by her shoulders, while he screamed at her.

And he bit her.

Buffy was so surprised she didn't react for a moment. He bit her. Her Angel was biting her… and not in a "I am dying from poison way". She could feel him taking gulps of her blood. Was he really that lost???

Suddenly, something flashed to her mind.

- Oh, God. No!

She pushed him, turned around and run away.

**Chapter 5**

He watched her run away and suddenly realized what he had done. He bit her. He would have taken her right in the basement had she not run. He wanted to lose himself in her again.

He put his head in his hands. If he was feeling pain before, it was nothing if compared with his pain in that moment. He… with a soul… had hurt her on purpose. He didn't deserve her, his friends or anything. He was a bastard. Now he knew it was time.

He went to the stairs, his apartment, but stopped inside it near the door.

- What do you want, Darla?

- So, your schoolgirl didn't like what she saw today, hum?

- Leave her out of this.

- You still love her. Don't matter, when my boy is back he will kill that little witch, so she can't curse him again, and her, for making him feel the stinky humanity in his delicious body.

Angel started to breathe hard when he heard the menace to his love. A part of him wanted to go back to sanity, but he didn't want it. He wanted the pain gone.

- What you really want is this!

Angel pushed Darla against the wall and gently brushed her hair from her face. He kissed her softly and then harder.

- Don't play games with me.

- I'm not playing. I just wanna feel something rather than nothing.

In despair, Angel pushed Darla in the table and kisses her, removing his clothes. Darla started to laugh at him and he looked at her.

- Why're you laughing? Don't you feel the cold?

Angel grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her up.

- What're you doing?

- It doesn't matter.

He slapped her face.

- None of it matters.

**Chapter 6**

Outside, the wind was billowing, while a thunderstorm began. Inside, Angel and Darla were sleeping in his bed. A loud crack of thunder ringed out and Angel suddenly sat up with a gasp.

He went outside while he felt his body constricting. He didn't remember much of the last time, but he felt as if something was different, wrong. The pain was increasing.

- Oh, God!

- Don't fight it my love. Just let it happen. It'll only hurt for a minute.

Angel felt his insides clenching, like they were shifting, as if to adjust to one another. Suddenly he had this enormous need to breathe. But, vampires don't need to breathe. They can't. He can't.

- No! No! No! It can't be! You… you can't be… human. YOU HAVE A HEART BEAT!!!

He felt it. His heart was beating. How? What? He didn't deserve it?

He felt it. Her fangs in his neck.

- Oh, no. Darla. You won't have a second chance.

He grabbed her and throwed her in the wall in the other side of the room. He looked at his hands. How could he be human and still possess that strength? What is going on?

He walked to her, who was sitting up.

- You saved me. Sorry I couldn't do the same for you. You did me a favor tonight. Now I'm gonna do one for you. Get dressed and get out. Because the next time I see you I will have to kill you.

- Angel, what… what happened? We did it… three times.

- Yes.

- You're not evil. I... I don't understand. Was I... Was it... not good?

Angel felt his heart, his beating heart, skip one beat. Darla's words made him remember Buffy. He had hurt her so much. Back there in that wonderful night, and today. He had to find her.

- Angel. I don't accept that. You cannot tell me that wasn't perfect. Not only have I been around for four hundred years, but I used to do this professionally. And *that* was perfect. We'll go again.

She tried to hold him, but he released himself from her grip.

- You don't understand. It was not sex that brought happiness to me, but love, Darla, love. Remember when you told me she would not kiss me if I were in my true face. She did. She gave herself to me in a wonderful night of love, not carnal desire or sex, but full love. It blasted me of my feet how that small girl could love a beast like me. She accepted me even after the demon who wore my face did unspeakable things to her and her friends. Contrary to you, who left him to Holtz, she gave me her blood so I wouldn't die. I should have fought to keep her with me, but I run away like any stupid man in love, because I feared my feelings for her. I should have researched, asked for help from her friends, gone into the world if necessary, to find a way to be with her. But, I run away. I will try to fix it, if she'd take me back. So, Darla get out of here. I don't want to see you again. Never. We're done. Let yourself out.

**Chapter 7 **

Angel ran downstairs. She was long gone and he could see the day was coming. Maybe she went to her father, but he didn't know where he lived. There was no bus to Sunnydale when she left.

Did they still have the link after he became human?

He tried to calm down and get a hold of it. He rejoiced when he could feel her, it was even stronger than before, maybe because he had taken some of her blood. He knew she was still in LA, but where. Where would she go?

Suddenly, a cherished memory came to his aid. He knew where she could be.

He left the hotel. Rain, thunders or lightnings would not stop him to get to the love of his… life.

**Chapter 8**

Buffy couldn't remember how she got to be there. Her legs brought her to that place. She left the Hyperion crying and would have been hit by a car had she crossed one.

She knew the place meaning for her life. She knew the dreams she had after Thanksgiving were not just wonderful dreams. They shared a day. A whole day in the paradise. When he bit her, she had the memories of the day back. He had given up them, his humanity for her.

It was raining and she was soaked, but she didn't care. She was too much confused to think straight and wanted only hold those memories. Things could have been different? Maybe. Maybe she would be dead. Maybe he would be dead. Maybe they would have a little boy or girl by now and be married just like in her dream.

But, he seemed so gone when they talked early. Was he still he or he became the other him? Was he with Darla, the blonde bitch, already causing chaos in LA? She would have to kill him again. She was so tired. Dawn was safe in her father house, but she would have to deal with Glory.

Now her body started to betray her. She felt the tickling in her spine that told her he was around. She turned around and gasped as she saw him… Angel… walking towards her. Just like in the erased day.

She was seeing things. She must have lost more blood then she thought. He kissed her. Buffy lost herself in the kiss for a while. However, her conscience screamed at her it could be Angelus. She didn't have a stake.

She started to trash in Angel's arms and he released her. She was crying.

- If you get any close to me, I will kill you, Angelus. Don't think I'll buy your act.

- Buffy. It's me. Angel… look at me! Please, look at me!

Buffy let her frantic state for a while and looked at him. All she saw in his eyes was love. He was her Angel again. For the first time in two years, she allowed herself to break down. It was too much to take.

She felt her legs wouldn't support her weight anymore, but Angel caught her before she hit the floor. Angel tried to take her to a safe place, out of the rain, but she didn't leave him move. Be damned the rain. She sobbed loudly in his arms as if there was no tomorrow.

When she calmed down a little she realized the sun was up and Angel didn't burn.

- ANGEL!!! The sun is up. Why… why aren't you burning???

She also could feel a heart beat under her palm.

- ANGEL!!! You heart… it is beating! Why are you heart beating? Oh, God! You, you are alive??

And she passed out.

**Chapter 9**

Angel carried Buffy to his car and back to the hotel. He would have carried her to his room, but he didn't want her near that place. Darla was nowhere to be seen, but he sensed a vampire nearby. She was still there… and she was definitively plotting something.

- Darla! Where are you? I told you to get out of here!

He was thrown to the other side of the hall without further notice. Recovering quickly, he saw that Darla was holding a knife and was almost cutting Buffy's throat. She never ended it because Angel stabbed her in the back. She was dust before she knew it.

Angel picked up Buffy in his arms and went to the room Cordelia used when she needed to sleep in the hotel. He removed wet clothes and put her in the bed, covering her with the sheet. He turned on the heater so she would be warm and put a chair near Buffy's head. She seemed tired so he would leave her sleep as much as she needed.

**Chapter 10 **

Buffy woke up disoriented in a strange bed. It took her only seconds to have yesterday back in her memory. She smelled something delicious in the air and knew it was him who was cooking. They had to talk.

- Hi.

- Hi, Buffy. How are you? Did you sleep well?

- Yes. We have to talk.

She didn't have time for amenities. This was it. This was the talk as her mother would have put it.

- Yes. Buffy… we have. I don't know if I can explain much or if you will understand.

- You left me, but you could not deal with it, mainly because I was married to you, although I didn't know about it. Then, we had a wonderful day that was turned back. Then, Darla came back and you went all psycho on her. So, you decided the pain was too much, you decided to end it all.

- I don't *really* have much to explain. Buffy, I'm sorry. These past months have been hard. I lost us again. I thought I could handle being without you and having the memories, but I couldn't. You came here and told me you were happy with the soldier boy. Rationally I was happy for you… you had moved on to someone real, someone who could give you love, but also normal things like kids, sunlight, picnics, a marriage… but a part of me was rebellious. That part could not feel happy that my wife could end up married to someone else… without even knowing she was mine, at least in the view of my country traditions.

Angel held his hand when Buffy opened her mouth.

- No… let me finish. Buffy, I love you. I always have. I did a lot of regrettable things these past months. Yesterday was the worst, when I bit you I didn't want to hurt you, but free myself. I wanted you to leave because you were getting to me, my real me, the one who could feel more than pain, the one who wouldn't want him unleashed because he knew he would go after you, to hurt, to turn you into the thing you hate the most. I wanted to feel that happiness again. I wanted to take you in that dark room, make you mine again and release him. But I couldn't do it to you. I couldn't release him because of you because it would mark you forever. I had to do it with someone else. Darla was here. I tried. I was foolish enough to think that sex would be enough, but it wasn't. I didn't lose my soul. I warned you so you would know I would try to release him so you'd be prepared to face and defeat him. Destroy this damn body, so I'd be free of the pain… the pain of wanting you, a life with you so much, that everything could get to me.

He was crying.

- I don't expect you to accept my excuses or anything else, but I needed to say it. I needed you to know that I got messed up because I was stupid enough to leave you two years ago. One year ago I discovered I could become human one day, but it felt wrong because you had moved on. Why fight? Why get to be human if you could not be there? I know it is selfish of mine, but that part of me was broke. Wolfram & Hart saw in it an opportunity to torture me. They brought Darla back as a human.

- Oh, God! Angel… I…

- She came to me while I was sleeping. I thought it was all a dream. So, I detached myself from the world to be with her, more and more. One day I saw her in a park. I went crazy. Everyone thought I went crazy. She made a trap for me. I almost got arrested for the murder of her supposed husband. Everyone thought it was me, but Gunn helped when he told Kate that I couldn't have killed Darla's husband, because I could not go in her house. She had a life, a soul, and she seemed to not care about it. She had everything I wanted. After a while, the soul started to get to her. She wanted to be saved, she was going to die, just like it was before she was turned. But Drusilla with the help of Lindsey and Lilah, lawyers of Wolfram and Heart, turned her in front of me…

**Chapter 11**

Buffy could no longer hold herself in the place. She went for him and hugged him. He hugged her back and put his head in her shoulder to feel her silk hair. She could still hear his words in her hair.

- Angel. It was not your fault.

- I know that now, but It was my duty. Saving souls. I failed her… and I felt miserable about it. I tried to kill her. I left her eat the people of Wolfram and Heart. Wesley, Cordy and Gunn tried to make see things right and I fired them. I made a trap for Darla and Drusila and let them on fire, literally. I had a soul and I was doing all these atrocities. It was all cold. They broke me completely. They didn't want me dusted, they wanted me bad, they wanted Angelus. I was… was… willing… to do… it… yesterday. After I bit you, I finally understand that I was a dangerous to you, myself and others. I warned you and… and… I wanted you to kill me. I… knew… he… would… go… for… you… again…

He could not speak anymore. He was so tired. Neither of them knew how, but they ended back in Cordy's room. Buffy helped Angel to the bed and crushed him in her embrace.

- Angel. You should not have done that. Erase the day and left with no clue. When I went back to Sunnydale, I dreamed about you, about it, every night. I thought it was a dream. I sometimes used to sleep earlier only to have that dream. Willow used to ask about what a dreamed because I had that stupid smile plastered in my face. Everyone thought it was Riley, but it was you. I should have known it. Maybe I'd hate you for a while, but I'd carry the burden as much as you. Believe me… I would have tore this world up and down and found a way to be with you.

She kissed him lightly in the mouth. He seemed surprised.

- I told you I didn't want anything but you. Do you have any idea how much my life went downhill since you left. The Mohra was right. We are strong when we are together.

- I could not have let you know about it. It would hurt you so much. Can you remember how broken you were? You felt my heart beating, we could have a future, and everything turned upside down. How did you know about it?

- The bite yesterday. Somehow it triggered it. Angel… I just want to ask you one question. And believe me… the wrong answer will cost you all your points?

- huh?

- Do you want me? Do you want to have a life with me? Have me back?

- Yes. Yes. Yes.

- Are you sure? If you try to leave me again I'll handcuff you naked in a secret basement and nobody will ever see you until you change your mind back.

- I'm sure.

- Good. You are stack with now, Mr.

She kissed him and after a moment he was sound sleep. Finally, peace for them.

**Chapter 10**

- Giles, do you have any explanation for it to happen already? Is this permanent?

It was two months after Angel's shanshu in LA. Angel went back to Sunnydale, as well as Wesley and Cordelia. Gunn decided to stay in LA with his gang. If needed, he would call the others.

- As a matter of fact, yes. I do have. I, Wesley and Willow researched all that could happen. It was your blood, Buffy.

Buffy and Angel were sitting in his couch holding hands.

- Mine.

- Yes. You told me Angel fed of you before he… he had intercourse with Darla. Since Angel didn't feel happiness, he did not lose his soul. He would not have. But it seems something more happened. Willow found a spell was cast during their time together. The moment was perfect because Angel was completely willing to lose his soul and someone cast it to remove his soul forcefully. That is why he felt the pain. The soul was fighting to stay in the body.

Buffy felt Angel hold her hand tightly. He was still ashamed of everything he did with a soul. They were working on rebuilding their relationship. After he came back to her life, he talked to Joyce Summers. She didn't like him back into Buffy's life, but she accepted when she saw he really loved her daughter. He wanted her to move with him, but decided to wait. This time he wanted everything to be perfect for the woman he loved.

- Since your blood was in his system, it helped fought the spell and the demon in him, who was also forcing the soul to go away so he would have control over the body and be free. Therefore, instead of the soul leave the body, the demon lost the battle and he was the one to be detached from the body. The spell was not specific for something, it probably removed the essence that was detached from the body first. Fortunately, the spell caster thought the soul was weak and would leave the body more easily. He didn't count the slayer blood in it. His body would be nothing, but since there was a soul attached to it, unwilling to go away, it came back to life.

- So, I saved the day! Again! Yay to me!

She kissed Angel soundlessly.

**The End**

Angel was sitting on a chair in the roof of the Hyperion hotel. He loved to see the sun go up from there. Today was special. It was his birthday… the fifty-five one (not counting the other time). He knew they were planning a party, which was supposed to be a secret, and was happy.

The first year was terrible. She almost died twice. First fighting Glory, but Spike saved her life. She tried to jump, but he and Dawn didn't let her do it. Out of nowhere, Spike knocked them, fed of her (what with vampires wanting to feed of her anyway?????) and jumped, closing the portal.

Willow went into a killing rampage after Warren shot Buffy and almost killed her girlfriend Tara. She skinned the boy alive and almost destroyed the world, but Xander went to her in time to tell that Tara was alive. He saved the world.

One year after it, Willow ended helping Buffy cast a spell to make all potential slayers active. She fought The First and closed the Hellmouth for good. Yeah... ok, she blew out Sunnydale also.

Beside the end of Sunnydale, he started to paint just for fun. Some on his paints went to her mother gallery in LA after Joyce insisting they were good to show. They seemed to be because he became quite famous.

They moved to LA. He went on with the painting, while Buffy opened an academy. She trained normal people and the slayers to fight the forces of evils… or thieves. Both of them did well with their lives and still fought the forces of evil. Angel Investigations was reopened after all.

After four years of dating, he and Buffy got married in a small ceremony with their friends and some demons. Three years later, she had a baby girl named Sophia and five years after the marriage a baby boy named William. Now he has three little grandchildren, named Connor, Elizabeth and Richard, running around the house to catch their grandpa and grandma. If one hundred and something years ago, someone had told him he would be married and with grandchildren, he would have laughed, thinking the person was crazy.

- Hey, beautiful. Brooding?

- No. Just thinking about my luck since you kicked my back in that alley.

Buffy put an arm around his wrist from behind and put her head in his right shoulder.

- Luck guy, hum????

- Yeah, but that still hurt!!

She smacked him in the arm and smiled.

- You should have learned. Blonde girls and alleys are not safe!

- Blonde woman are always a danger. Tell that to our son-in-law.

He laughed. She was the most spirited women he ever knew.

- I love you.

- I love you.

- Forever.

- That is the whole point.


End file.
